


All The Answers

by ice_hot_13



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-25 14:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ice_hot_13/pseuds/ice_hot_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt expects Ryan to have answers for him, and Ryan - he just doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Answers

**Author's Note:**

> Because patj_pips asked for a double date Aaron/Ryan Matt/Khajit!

When Ryan asks what Aaron’s up to on the first Tuesday of reading break, Aaron just texts back _see you in 20, ok?_ which is pretty much what Ryan’s life has always been like, getting swept into Aaron’s plans like inviting one is to invite both. Everyone’s figured that out by now, and Ryan really likes it, probably an embarrassing amount. He’s been Aaron’s best friend for over fifteen years, and now that they’re twenty-two, it’s one of the most important things in his life. It took him a long time to figure out he was in love with Aaron - around twenty, he figured out why no one else made him even remotely happy - but it’s taking everyone around them increasingly less time to get it. Ryan’s sister gives him sympathetic looks when she thinks he doesn’t notice, Aaron’s brother makes heavy suggestions that Ryan will still be around in ten years and talks about him like he’s an in-law already, Ryan’s roommates are surprised when they don’t see Aaron around at least every other day, and last year, Ryan’s friend Emilie quietly asked if it wouldn’t be better if he tried to move on and all he could do was pretend he didn’t understand and make an excuse to leave. Ryan just wants to stay like this for as long as possible, this suspended state of non-relationship that sometimes feels like one, because he knows it won’t last forever. Aaron gets what he wants; if Aaron wanted Ryan, he’d _have_ Ryan by now.

Aaron shows up fifteen minutes later, says they’re going to go check out 8rinks in Burnaby, and then drives in the completely wrong direction.

“Maybe I’m stupid, but I thought Burnaby was east of here,” Ryan says as he clicks through radio stations.

“And that’s why we always leave the navigating to me, Sunshine,” Aaron says, and Ryan just laughs. The last time they let Aaron navigate was five years ago, and they not only missed the movie, but missed the town the theatre was in. “No, but we’re gonna pick up those two guys on our team, they wanna see it too.”

“Ah.” _Those two_ clearly means Matt and Khajit, who secretly terrify Ryan because he’s pretty sure they’re _together_ and he’s sure that at any minute, someone will realise that Ryan acts just like that with Aaron and is obviously in love with Aaron, and then Aaron will know.

They pick up Matt and Khajit at an apartment building not far away, and it’s kind of weird seeing them outside of the rink. Matt’s still a bundle of nerves, Khajit in a good a mood as always. They sit in the backseat, Khajit leaning forward to talk to Aaron about the rink and what he’s heard about it, and Ryan’s halfway convinced himself that this will go totally fine, but then he sees that Khajit’s holding Matt’s hand, and the crushing jealousy informs Ryan that no, this won’t be easy.  
8 Rinks isn’t that busy, since it’s midday on a Tuesday, the parking lot nearly empty. The first rink they walk through isn’t that busy, either, just a few figure skaters.  
“Is this like... figure skater practice?” Khajit asks. This starts a discussion of some European league allstar game because apparently that had figure skating as a joke, and Ryan’s kind of left with Matt when Aaron and Khajit go to stealthily investigate a figure skater’s suitcase thing sitting nearby.  
“So you guys haven’t been here yet, then?” Ryan asks. Matt nods.  
“Yeah, we’ve been meaning to.”  
“Cool.”  
“You guys ever been?”  
“Once, I think. It was a couple years ago.” When he looks over, Aaron’s trying to stealthily poke the suitcase with his toe. “She can probably see you,” he calls over.  
“I got a need for danger, Sunshine, and a license to thrill. So I’ll come back!”  
“What was that, two incorrect movie references at once? Three?”  
“Three perfect ones.”  
“Not even a little,” Ryan says, and Aaron just grins at him, shakes his head. Every little them thing that they have makes Ryan fall in love with him, from Aaron’s sarcastic nickname for him to blatantly wrong movie quoting, it’s _theirs._  
“So you guys are pretty close,” Matt says, as they follow Aaron and Khajit into the next rink. This one’s for indoor soccer, the lights dimmed because it’s empty. “How long’ve you?”  
“Well, we met when we were five,” Ryan shrugs. “You guys think that’s _allowed?_ ” he calls over at Aaron and Khajit, who’re trying to get onto the field.  
“It’s cute how you think I care,” Aaron says, but he comes back over to them, grinning. “I guess I shouldn’t get us kicked out before we can ever play here.”  
“Naah, coolest rink in the province? Go ahead and get us banned.”  
“Smartass,” Aaron retorts, throws an arm around Ryan’s shoulders. “They can ban me from this particular rink, I don’t care. It’s soccer, and I don’t play soccer.”  
When Ryan glances over, Khajit’s kissing Matt’s cheek and pointing something out on the field; Ryan tries not to burn with jealousy, but it’s a losing battle before he even tries.  
The next rink is an actual ice rink, and a few people are out there for a stick and puck, which looks mostly like spirited keepaway. “Guy in blue’s gonna win,” Aaron says, leaning up against the glass, “five bucks says he’s got it in three minutes.”  
“So, um,” Matt says to Ryan, “how’d you - um. Can I ask how you told your parents?” Ryan nearly flinches at this, turns to look at him. He sure as hell hasn’t told anyone, and yet, here Matt is, who Ryan barely even _knows_ , asking - that? Well - Matt’s into dudes too, obviously. So. Maybe he can tell, or something.  
“I haven’t,” Ryan says, looking down at the boards.  
“Oh, so - does Aaron know that?”  
“Nope.”  
“But doesn’t that cause like, problems? I - shit, I’m sorry, you barely even know me,” Matt’s nervous babbling now, looks so worried, “you don’t have to, um - yeah. I just - I’m really bad at this and I just - you know?”  
“It’s okay,” Ryan sighs out; it’s ridiculous, how jealous he is of Matt. Matt’s, what, two years younger? He has everything Ryan wants already, and Ryan’s not ever going to have it; he feels resigned to this, already given up, and it’s too early to feel like that but he’s never known anything else. “I dunno. He doesn’t know I haven’t told them, so. He doesn’t know to be worried?”  
“I won!” they hear, Khajit coming back over. “Because I have talent-scouting abilities, clearly.”  
“You mean _luck._ ” Aaron starts towards the next rink, “console me?” he says to Ryan, as Ryan catches up.  
“You suck at guessing but we all love you anyways?”  
“That almost works.”  
The next rink is dark and empty, but the next has a scrimmage going on, which they stop to watch. Matt’s fidgety and keeps looking at Ryan, which Ryan figures means he has more questions, so he wanders a little farther away from Aaron and Khajit, and predictably, Matt follows.  
“Are you... gonna tell them?” Matt asks. “Your parents, I mean. That you’re. You know.”  
“I don’t know.” Maybe he will, someday. He doesn’t really see a need to, at the moment, because it feels like practically everyone can _tell_ , have long since accepted it as a particularly tragic thing about Ryan’s life.  
“But how long’ve you been into him?”  
“Oh, I dunno,” Ryan sighs, his breath a fog in the cold air. “Long fucking time.”  
“So they don’t know about - you guys?” Matt asks, and there’s a moment that Ryan just stares at him. Matt thinks - oh, he thinks this is some kind of double date, and it _looks_ like that, maybe, but that’s all Ryan’s life ever does, resemble something he wants but can’t actually _have_. And - and if Matt knows - could Aaron? Could _everyone_ know, and Ryan trying to hide it is just - pathetic, useless, but no one calls him out on that because it’s just too tragic, Aaron only pretending not to know? Or maybe he really _doesn’t_ know - yet. Maybe he’s on the verge of realising it, and even this non-relationship Ryan clings to will disappear too.

“We’re -” Ryan starts, but the words are kind of hard to get out. “Not,” he says, looks away because he doesn’t want to see the look of shock that comes with Matt’s choked little gasp. Whatever, though, this is far from the saddest thing to ever happen to Ryan. That honour probably goes to this entire fucked-up situation, every day of his life. Matt’s been trying to find answers in Ryan all day, and now, now they both know - Ryan’s got nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Matt says, but - but it doesn’t sound like he’s just apologising for assuming, or asking too many questions about it, it sounds like he’s saying _I’m sorry you’re not together,_ and goddamnit, this might be the saddest thing after all, because suddenly Ryan feels like he might cry, all because this boy who has the life he wants is apologising because he knows Ryan’s missing out.

Aaron and Khajit have started towards the next rink, so Ryan just follows in silence, Matt trailing along after him. Matt tugs Khajit back a little, and Ryan hears him whisper _you said this is like a double date and that’s why it’s okay,_ and when Khajit nods, what Matt says next just hurts because he just says _but they’re not together,_ and it’s the mixture of surprise and sadness that really hits Ryan hard.

The next rink is empty, and the one after it has some team’s practice, and Ryan doesn’t try to talk to Matt again until they’re leaving it, Matt lingering like he’s not sure what to do now that his questions are all invalid. “How’d you tell him?” Ryan asks him, tries not to sound miserable with it. He is, though. He fucking is.  
“He told me,” Matt replies, “we decided to move into an apartment together. And he said I should know that before I agreed to it, so.”  
“‘s brave,” Ryan mumbles.  
“What is, Sunshine?” Aaron’s come up behind him, slings his arm over Ryan’s shoulders.  
“Khajit telling Matt he loves him,” Ryan says, and Aaron frowns at this a little. “Disappointed we weren’t talking about you?” Ryan teases; Aaron laughs, but he sounds a little distracted.  
“Well, no one ever talked about Clark Kent, either,” he says, smiles at Ryan. Ryan’s just - a little worried, maybe, because something’s _off,_ and oh, fuck, does that mean Aaron knows, did he somehow hear it in Ryan’s voice, that Ryan was thinking _the way I wish you would_ , can he tell?  
They decide to head upstairs once they’ve seen every rink, and Ryan goes to follow Matt and Khajit further down the room of empty tables. “Oh, hey,” Aaron says, like he’s seen something on one of the rinks, so Ryan wanders over to him.  
“What, you see Clark Kent being brave?” Ryan looks through the window; a bunch of kids are  
now playing on the last empty rink.  
“I’m in love with you,” Aaron says.  
“Now you’re just trying to upstage the kid.”  
“No, honest. I’m in love with you,” Aaron says again; Ryan tries not to glare, just looks out the window, jaw tight. This isn’t fucking funny, and he can’t overreact and give everything away, but what if Aaron already knows, but this - it just sucks, because Aaron must be kidding, and Ryan’s fighting tears because he just _wants Aaron to love him._  
“Don’t,” he manages, forcing the word out. Aaron makes a frustrated little noise.  
“What, it’s brave when he does it, and when I do-”  
“He _meant_ it.” Goddamn, Ryan doesn’t want to fucking cry, he _doesn’t_ , but he’s falling to pieces and Aaron’s saying he _loves_ him and that’s all Ryan wants and Aaron’s just _fucking_ with him.  
“So do I!” Aaron says, and there are people looking at them now, Khajit and Matt included. “Ryan,” Aaron says, soft now, “you said - it was brave, so I thought - maybe you wouldn’t be mad.”  
“I wanted you to mean it,” Ryan sniffles a little, flinches in surprise when Aaron pulls him into his arms, but then he can just melt against Aaron, cling to him tight.  
“How could I not mean it? You’re mine, you’ve always been mine,” Aaron says against Ryan’s hair, hugging him close, “and if - if you want me to mean it - you - do you?”  
“I love you,” Ryan admits, and it’s a little easier, like this, holding onto Aaron, face against his neck, Ryan can feel safe enough to admit it, like this, Aaron pleading to hear this answer. “I thought - how don’t you know?”  
“How didn’t _you_ know?” Aaron asks, hugs Ryan tighter against him, “you’re, like. The fucking light of my life, Ryan, I was worried you could always tell.” _Sunshine_ , Aaron’s always called him, and maybe he wasn’t joking, maybe he was telling Ryan too blatantly for Ryan to believe it. And when Aaron kisses him now, _oh_ , they should have been like this for _years_ , because it’s the best thing Ryan’s ever known.  
When they’re leaving the rink, Aaron and Khajit having some discussion involving lots of hand gestures and pointing to parking spaces, Matt comes over to grin at Ryan.  
“So, guess it’ll be an actual double date next time, eh?”  
“I think so,” Ryan says, and he’s never been this _happy,_ suddenly having everything he wants, Aaron _in love with him_. “Next weekend,” he says, “but, hey. I’ll tell my family about me and Aaron this week, and let you know how it goes.”  
The look Matt gives him is reverent, like he’s finding answers in Ryan, and for all the suffering Ryan’s done, it’s - worth it, maybe. Worth it, because he’s ended up with Aaron, because he can tell someone else _you’ll make it through this,_ prove it by being here, surviving and okay and so, so happy.


End file.
